13 Hilarious Things You Could Only Hear On 1980s Answering Machines

Oh, the 1980s—a neon-drenched wonderland where shoulder pads were bold, mixtapes were sacred, and yes, even answering machines had flair! This glorious decade wasn’t just about Walkmans, Pac-Man, and synth-heavy tunes; it was also the golden age of the voicemail message.

Forget boring beeps and robotic voices—back then, leaving a message was practically a performance. People turned their answering machines into comedy stages, greeting callers with clever rhymes, outrageous accents, and just the right amount of ridiculousness.

Some were dramatic monologues worthy of soap operas, others parodied hit songs or TV jingles. You never knew if you were calling a friend or tuning into a radio skit!

It was a time when personality reigned, and voicemail wasn’t just functional—it was fabulous. So grab your leg warmers and dust off that cassette tape, because we’re diving into 13 of the most hilariously unforgettable answering machine messages straight from the radical ‘80s!

1. The Johnsons’ Comedic Mystery

Hi, this is the Johnsons. We’re not home right now, or we’re hiding from you. Leave a message and we’ll decide which. This classic ‘80s sass carried just a dash of passive aggression that left callers guessing. Whether they were genuinely out or simply avoiding a chat, the Johnsons knew how to add a sprinkle of mystery to everyday life.

Their message captured the playful spirit of the time, reflecting a laid-back attitude and a love for witty banter. Friends and family never quite knew if they were genuinely unreachable or just pulling their leg.

It was a comedic twist on the mundane task of leaving a message, bringing a smile to many faces. The Johnsons had truly mastered the art of keeping their social life as entertaining as their favorite sitcoms.

2. Max Headroom Glitch

This is Max Headroom… m-m-m-m-message after the tone, please. If you were lucky, you caught this reference to the futuristic, glitchy TV character Max Headroom. His stuttering speech pattern became iconic, representing the weird and wonderful part of the ‘80s.

Imitating him on your answering machine was a way to incorporate pop culture into everyday life. It was like inviting Max himself to take your messages, adding a touch of sci-fi flair to your home.

The charm of Max Headroom lay in his bizarre yet endearing persona, and hearing his voice come through the phone was both surprising and amusing. For fans of the quirky and unconventional, it was a perfect fit.

Who knew a fictional character could become the voice of so many missed calls?

3. Jenny’s Famous Number

You’ve reached 867-5309, but Jenny’s not here. She’s always not here. Yes, someone absolutely made this joke in every area code. The song “867-5309/Jenny” by Tommy Tutone made this number infamous, and people loved referencing it in their answering machine messages.

It was the perfect blend of humor and pop culture, turning a simple number into a running gag. For those who knew the song, it brought a chuckle every time they heard it.

The idea that “Jenny” was never around added a playful touch to the mystery of who might actually pick up the phone. It was a clever nod to a hit song that had become part of the cultural lexicon.

Incorporating well-known lyrics into daily life showed how music influenced even the smallest aspects of 1980s living.

4. Paul’s Priorities

Hi, this is Paul. I’m either working on my mullet or watching Knight Rider. Leave your name, number, and a reason why I should call you back. In the ‘80s, personal style and TV shows were serious business, and Paul knew how to make that clear.

His message was a delightful mix of personal flair and cultural reference, reflecting the era’s unique priorities. By mentioning his mullet and Knight Rider, he painted a vivid picture of his interests, leaving callers with a smile.

It was more than just a message; it was a way for Paul to share a bit of his personality and humor with the world. Showing off your favorite TV show and hairstyle was part of the fun.

In a time when answering machines were novel, Paul made sure his stood out.

5. Take On Me Tune

[To the tune of “Take On Me”] “Take… on… me… Leave… your… name… at the tone… I’ll… call… you… back…” Bonus points if it was sung terribly into a Radio Shack mic. This was a time when creativity knew no bounds, especially with a catchy tune like “Take On Me.”

Imitating the iconic melody, families and friends turned their answering machines into mini-concerts, adding a musical twist to the mundane task of leaving a message.

Singing along with the A-ha hit brought an element of fun and lightheartedness, making the answering machine more than just a recording device. It became a stage for amateur performances.

Whether the singing was on key or not didn’t matter; it was all about sharing the joy of music and laughter with those calling in.

6. Greg and Linda’s Party Line

You’ve reached the party line! Kidding, it’s just Greg and Linda. Leave a message, unless you’re trying to sell us a vacuum. Back when telemarketers were a constant presence, Greg and Linda had a clever way to keep them at bay.

Their message was a cheeky nod to party lines, a concept from an earlier era, mixed with a modern twist. It was a humorous way to let callers know that only friendly voices were welcome.

By making light of the telemarketing phenomenon, they added a layer of humor to an otherwise annoying interruption. Friends could enjoy the joke, while salespeople were left guessing.

Greg and Linda’s message was a testament to the creativity and wit that defined the 1980s answering machine culture.

7. Robotic Takeover Message

[In a robotic voice] “I am your answering machine. I have enslaved your humans. Leave coordinates for extraction.” Sci-fi nerds had to flex somehow, and what better way than through their answering machines?

This message added a touch of futuristic humor to everyday life, blending the love for science fiction with a practical tool. It was a fun way to imagine a world where machines had taken over, even if just for a laugh.

The robotic voice provided an extra layer of authenticity, making it feel like something straight out of a space-age movie. For fans of the genre, it was a delightful nod to their favorite stories.

In a decade where technology was rapidly advancing, this playful message captured the imagination and tickled the funny bone.

8. Dave’s Multitasking Masterpiece

Yo, it’s Dave. If this is my boss, I’m sick. If this is Tina, I totally want to go out Friday. Anyone else? Do your thing after the beep. A multitasking masterpiece, Dave’s message was a clever way to handle different aspects of life in one go.

By addressing specific people, he managed to convey multiple messages, all while adding a humorous twist. It was a reflection of how life in the ‘80s was a balancing act, and Dave nailed it.

His approach allowed him to keep things light, fun, and relatable, showing that even serious matters could be handled with a smile. It was an innovative way to communicate, using humor to bridge the gap between work, romance, and everything else.

Dave’s message was a standout example of the creativity that defined the era.

9. Mission: Impossible Gag

This message will self-destruct in five seconds… after you leave yours. Beep! The Mission: Impossible gag was a must for any fan of spy thrillers. It brought a sense of adventure and intrigue to the simple act of leaving a message.

By mimicking the iconic line from the series, owners added a cinematic flair to their everyday lives. It was a playful way to engage with friends and family, leaving them amused and entertained.

For those who grew up watching spies and secret agents, incorporating these elements into their answering machine was a way to bring a bit of Hollywood magic home. It turned a practical device into a stage for imaginative scenarios.

Whether in jest or homage, this reference captured the excitement of the spy genre, making calls a little more thrilling.

10. Carol’s Dream Chase

Hi, this is Carol. I’m out chasing my dreams. Or maybe just at the mall. Beep me, wait… you can’t. Just leave a message. Paging wasn’t mainstream yet, folks. Carol’s message was a humorous nod to the era’s technology and aspirations.

By playfully admitting that she might just be at the mall, she captured the spirit of the ‘80s—when shopping was an adventure and dreams were big. Her message was a reminder that life was about enjoying the moment, whether chasing dreams or deals.

The casual mention of paging added a layer of nostalgia, highlighting how much communication has evolved. For Carol, it was all about keeping things light and fun.

Her message was a delightful glimpse into the priorities of the time, blending humor and a touch of reality.

11. Walking 500 Miles

I would walk 500 miles… to NOT answer the phone. So leave a message. Misquoting The Proclaimers since before it was cool, this message brought laughter to anyone familiar with the song “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).”

It was a playful twist on a well-known tune, capturing the essence of the ‘80s sense of humor. By using the catchy lyrics to communicate a reluctance to answer calls, it added a funny twist to the everyday task of message taking.

For fans of the band, it was a clever homage that brought a smile to their face. Music had a profound impact on the culture of the time, and this message was a testament to its influence.

Incorporating humor into answering machines was a way to make technology personal and entertaining.

12. Homemade Rap Beat

[Over a Casio keyboard beat] “We’re not in, we’re not around, so leave your voice, not a sound… wait, no—leave a sound. Yeah.” Homemade raps hit different, and in the ‘80s, everyone was a star in their own home studio.

Using a Casio keyboard to create a beat, this message turned the answering machine into a platform for musical expression. It was a fun way to blend creativity and communication, making each call a unique experience.

The charm lay in its spontaneity and humor, with callers becoming part of the performance. It was a time when music was becoming more accessible, and people were eager to experiment with new sounds.

This homemade rap was a reflection of the era’s love for innovation and individuality, showcasing the playful side of technology.

13. Marty McFly’s Future Call

Leave your message after the beep. Unless you’re Marty McFly calling from the future. In that case, just warn us about 2020. Way ahead of their time, this message was a clever nod to the beloved Back to the Future series.

By imagining a call from Marty McFly, it blended humor with a sense of wonder and nostalgia. It was a delightful way to engage with callers, leaving them chuckling at the thought of time travel mishaps.

The mention of warning about 2020 added a modern twist, showing how the past and future could collide in unexpected ways. It was a perfect example of how pop culture references were woven into everyday life.

For fans of the franchise, this message was both a tribute and a playful reminder of the adventures that Marty and Doc embarked on.