25 Reasons The 1980s Were A Disaster

Ah, the 1980s — a decade so loud, it practically yelled at you in neon. While some folks look back misty-eyed at the big hair, leg warmers, and synth-soaked soundtracks, others (myself included) can’t help but cringe just a little.

Sure, it gave us some iconic pop culture moments and the birth of MTV, but it also brought an avalanche of fashion crimes, laughably bad tech, and enough hairspray to punch a hole in the ozone.

It was a time when shoulder pads were considered empowering, and your tape deck was a fragile god. So grab your Walkman (if it still works), fluff up that perm, and hop in our metaphorical DeLorean as we cruise back through a truly bizarre era.

Buckle up — here are 25 totally legitimate (and slightly exaggerated) reasons why the 1980s totally sucked. Trust me, nostalgia has a selective memory.

1. Shoulder Pads

Shoulder pads gave everyone the silhouette of a football player. Walking down the street, it seemed like every person was prepping for a tackle. My grandma, bless her heart, could barely fit through doorways with those padded monstrosities.

The trend was inescapable. From corporate attire to casual wear, shoulder pads infiltrated every wardrobe. It was as if the entire fashion industry conspired to make everyone look like they had spent a decade in the gym.

Despite the comical appearance, there was an inexplicable allure. Maybe it was the power vibe, or perhaps it was just another example of 80s fashion gone awry. Either way, I’m glad we left those behind.

2. Synth Overload

The 1980s were synonymous with synth music. Every track had that distinctive, electronic sound that could either get you dancing or make your ears cry for mercy. I remember my first Walkman blasting synth pop, thinking I was in a sci-fi movie.

But there was such a thing as too much synth. Songs often sounded more robotic than human, losing the emotional touch that instruments traditionally brought. Bands competed to out-synth each other, leading to a cacophony of electronic noise.

That era’s music was undeniably catchy, yet overwhelming. It set the stage for future electronic music but also left many yearning for the strum of a regular guitar.

3. The Hair

Ah, the hair of the 80s—a sight to behold and a force to be reckoned with. Voluminous, teased, and defying gravity, it was a decade defined by its hairstyles. Aqua Net was the unsung hero, holding up not just hair but, seemingly, the ozone layer.

I spent hours in front of the mirror, teasing my hair to new heights, much to the dismay of my parents who feared for the ceilings. It was an art form, albeit an environmentally unfriendly one.

Looking back, it’s a wonder how we managed to fit through doorways or sit in cars. The hair was big, bold, and, in hindsight, a little bonkers.

4. Cabbage Patch Kid Mania

The Cabbage Patch Kid craze was unlike anything the toy world had seen. Parents turned into gladiators, battling in the aisles for dolls with cherubic faces and yarn hair. I remember the day my mother emerged triumphant, clutching one like a trophy.

These dolls were the must-have item, leading to frenzied shopping sprees and news-worthy skirmishes. Their appeal lay in their unique, hand-stitched look, but the chaos surrounding their purchase was anything but cute.

In retrospect, it was a testament to the power of marketing. Who knew that a simple doll could incite such fervor?

5. Mullets

Mullets were the hairstyle that defied logic, yet defined a generation. The phrase “business in the front, party in the back” was more than just a description—it became a lifestyle. I once rocked a mullet, thinking I was the epitome of cool.

It was a hairdo that transcended social circles, embraced by rock stars and average Joes alike. Each mullet told a story, a testament to the duality of man—or at least, his hair.

While it might have seemed like a good idea at the time, looking back, it’s a wonder we ever thought it was stylish. Yet, for some, the mullet lives on.

6. Terrible CGI

The 1980s was a pioneering time for CGI, and by pioneering, I mean hilariously bad. Movies featured effects that looked like they were crafted in a high school computer lab. I remember watching in awe and confusion.

Green screens were obvious, and glowing polygons populated every sci-fi flick. It was an era of experimentation, where directors pushed the boundaries of what technology could achieve, often with laughable results.

Despite the clunky execution, it set the stage for the special effects we enjoy today. However, at the time, it was more gimmick than genius.

7. Jazzercise Everything

Jazzercise was the workout craze that swept the nation. Suddenly, everyone was donning leotards and leg warmers, prancing around like they’d been cast in a musical. I joined a class once, and it felt like an 80s-themed flash mob.

The routines were more about the theatrics than the exercise. With upbeat music blaring, it was less about fitness and more about fun. We danced, clapped, and laughed, often forgetting we were supposed to be working out.

It was a movement that turned exercise into entertainment, albeit a rather colorful one. The joy of Jazzercise was infectious, even if the fashion was questionable.

8. The Cold War Loomed Over Everything

Living in the 1980s meant existing under the constant shadow of the Cold War. The threat of nuclear annihilation was an ever-present ghost, lurking in the back of everyone’s mind. I remember the drills at school, hiding under desks as if that would save us.

The tension was palpable, influencing media, politics, and daily life. It was a time of espionage thrillers and doomsday scenarios, each more terrifying than the last.

Though the threat never materialized, it shaped a generation’s psyche, leaving a legacy of anxiety and resilience. It was a dark cloud that, fortunately, passed.

9. TV Commercials Were an Assault

Television commercials in the 1980s were a sensory onslaught. Loud, flashy, and in your face, they were impossible to ignore. I often wondered if the volume magically increased during ad breaks.

These ads were mini spectacles, bombarding viewers with jingles, slogans, and hyperactive visuals. It was like a carnival barker had taken over your living room, demanding attention for products you never knew you needed.

While they were memorable, they often left you dazed and confused. It was an era where subtlety was a foreign concept, and commercials were king.

10. Walkmans Ate Your Tapes

Ah, the Walkman—a marvel of portable music that had a dark side. These gadgets had an insatiable appetite for cassette tapes. I still recall the horror of ejecting a cassette only to find it spewing tape like a malfunctioning confetti cannon.

Rewinding with a pencil was a rite of passage, a skill every 80s kid mastered. It was both an art and a necessity, saving many a mixtape from the trash.

Despite their voracious tendencies, Walkmans were cherished companions, providing a soundtrack to our lives. They taught patience, resilience, and the importance of carrying spare batteries.

11. Satanic Panic

The 1980s were rife with fear of the occult, with Dungeons & Dragons inexplicably at the heart of the panic. According to some, rolling dice and battling imaginary dragons was a fast track to demonic possession. I played a game once and merely got grounded.

Parents worried about hidden messages in music and games, fearing for the souls of their children. It was a time when fantastical fiction blurred dangerously with perceived reality.

The hysteria eventually faded, leaving behind a trail of bewilderment at how easily fear had taken hold. Today, D&D is celebrated, not condemned.

12. Pastel Suits

Pastel suits became the unlikely fashion statement of the 1980s, thanks in large part to the influence of Miami Vice. Suddenly, baby pinks and sky blues were considered the height of toughness. I wore one once, feeling like a mobster on spring break.

These suits were worn with a confidence that belied their soft hues. They made bold statements without uttering a word, punctuating the decade’s fashion with pastels’ gentle audacity.

While they may not have aged well, pastel suits encapsulated the era’s tendency to blend boldness with whimsy.

13. Phone Cords Tangled Lives

Remember the days of landline phones? The 1980s had us tethered to walls with cords that seemed to have minds of their own. Those spiraled cables were adept at ensnaring unsuspecting feet, turning a simple phone call into an obstacle course.

I once nearly took down a lamp trying to answer a call, proving that these cords were more than mere communication tools—they were domestic hazards.

Despite their tangled mess, these phones were our lifelines, connecting us in ways that smartphones never could. They taught us patience, persistence, and some rather creative untangling techniques.

14. Fast Food Was ALL Beige

Fast food in the 1980s was a monochromatic affair. Burgers, fries, and nuggets shared a singular beige palette. I remember unwrapping meals that looked like they’d been designed by someone with a vendetta against color.

Even the cheese was an unnatural shade of orange, a hue not found in nature. Vegetables? They were an afterthought, if they appeared at all.

While the food might have lacked vibrancy, it was comfortingly consistent. The beige landscape of fast food was a culinary quirk of the decade, a testament to its love of simplicity and sameness.

15. VHS Tracking Hell

Adjusting the tracking on a VHS player was an exercise in patience and precision. Those wavy lines and distorted images were a regular annoyance. I felt like a NASA engineer trying to land a shuttle every time I pressed play.

Tracking was less a feature and more a challenge, turning movie night into a test of endurance. I remember fiddling with dials, hoping to achieve a semblance of clarity.

Despite the headaches, VHS tapes were treasured possessions, providing endless entertainment. They taught us to appreciate the analog world and the art of troubleshooting.

16. Laugh Tracks Were Mandatory

The laugh track was the unsung hero of 1980s sitcoms, guiding audiences when humor wasn’t obvious. I often wondered if the jokes were truly funny or if I was just conditioned to chuckle.

These canned laughs were as predictable as the plotlines, yet somehow comforting. They added a layer of artificial hilarity to shows that might have been lacking in actual comedy.

While today’s audiences might cringe at the thought, laugh tracks were a staple, a reminder of a simpler time when TV told you when to laugh.

17. Car Phones Were Suitcases

In the 1980s, car phones were the epitome of luxury and excess. These behemoths were more suitcase than smartphone, requiring serious muscle to tote around. I remember my dad’s pride when he first installed one, instantly elevating our car’s status.

Using a car phone was an event. Calls were made sparingly, as if each one carried the weight of a boardroom decision. The novelty was undeniable, even if the practicality was questionable.

Though they were short-lived in their original form, car phones paved the way for today’s mobile communication, proving that even the clunkiest technology leaves a legacy.

18. Kids’ Cartoons Were Toy Commercials

Saturday morning cartoons were a staple of my childhood, but in the 1980s, they were more about commerce than creativity. Shows were thinly veiled advertisements, pushing the latest toys with each episode.

Plots were secondary to product placement, with action figures and playsets often stealing the spotlight. I remember begging for the latest toy, convinced it was essential to my happiness.

While entertainment took a backseat, these cartoons were undeniably influential, shaping the toy industry and sparking imaginations. They were marketing marvels, embedding products into the hearts of children everywhere.

19. Everything Was Flammable

The 1980s were a flammable decade. Synthetic fabrics, overstuffed furniture, and hair sprayed to towering heights made for a fire hazard waiting to happen. I once brushed too close to a candle, narrowly avoiding a fiery coiffure.

Materials were more about style than safety. Flammable clothing was the norm, and fire safety seemed an afterthought. It was a time when one hot day could turn you into a human torch.

Though thankfully rare, incidents highlighted the need for safer standards, leading to changes that would prevent future flare-ups. Still, it was a decade playing with fire.

20. Roller Rinks Were Social Pressure Incarnate

Roller rinks were the social hubs of the 1980s, arenas of adolescent awkwardness and triumph. I spent many weekends attempting to skate gracefully, often failing spectacularly.

The pressure to perform was intense. Skating wasn’t just about balance; it was about style, speed, and, ideally, avoiding face-plants. It was a delicate dance of social navigation.

Yet, despite the stress, roller rinks were exhilarating. They were places of freedom, expression, and sometimes romance. Falling was just part of the journey, a testament to the resilience of youth.

21. Neon on Neon

Neon reigned supreme in the 1980s, a riot of electrifying colors that lit up both fashion and signage. Walking down the street felt like being part of a fluorescent parade.

Clothes glowed in shades of lime, pink, and orange that defied nature. It was a visual assault, requiring sunglasses even after dark. I owned a neon jacket that could probably guide ships to safety.

While the trend was eye-catching, it was also overwhelming. The neon craze epitomized the decade’s love for excess and vibrant expression, leaving a legacy as bright as its colors.

22. MTV Killed the Radio Star

MTV changed the music landscape in the 1980s, revolutionizing how we experienced sound and vision. The first video, “Video Killed the Radio Star,” was prophetic, marking the dawn of a new era.

Music videos became essential, turning musicians into visual icons. I remember being glued to the screen, mesmerized by the blend of music and imagery.

While it brought music to life in dazzling new ways, it also overshadowed radio, which struggled to keep up. MTV was a double-edged sword, boosting careers while challenging traditional media.

23. Denim on Denim

Denim on denim, affectionately dubbed the “Canadian Tuxedo,” was a serious fashion statement in the 1980s. Everyone was doubling down on denim, from jackets to jeans.

The trend was unapologetic, embracing head-to-toe denim without irony. I owned a matching set, feeling like a denim warrior ready to take on the world.

While today’s fashionistas might cringe, it was a symbol of the era’s bold experimentation. The denim craze was a testament to the decade’s style audacity and willingness to break boundaries.

24. Slap Bracelets Were Weapons

Slap bracelets were the accessory of the 1980s, a simple strip of metal wrapped in fabric that snapped around wrists with satisfying precision. They were a fashion statement and a fidget toy rolled into one.

However, like many 80s fads, slap bracelets had a dark side. They were prone to breaking, exposing sharp edges that could turn a playful accessory into a mini weapon. I bear a scar as a testament to their danger.

Despite their perilous potential, slap bracelets were beloved, a quirky reminder of the decade’s playful spirit and the innocent risks of childhood.

25. Everyone Smoked. Everywhere.

Smoking was ubiquitous in the 1980s, a cloud of tobacco enveloping every public space. Restaurants, offices, even hospitals weren’t immune to the haze. I remember visiting a family restaurant, where the air was thick with smoke.

Cigarettes were as much a social staple as they were a health hazard. There was an air of nonchalance about smoking, a casualness that defied modern sensibilities.

Thankfully, awareness and regulations have since cleared the air, but the 1980s will forever be remembered as a time when the Marlboro Man was king.